Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Extra! Extra! Moscow blacksmith wins inventor of the year award

See that jumbo-sized medieval knight's battle axe? Yeah, it's not exactly the Where's Waldo of its medieval brethren, so we'll move along ...

The idaho vandal football team has been toting around "the battle axe" (known in history as the executioner axe) as part of an alleged revitalization of a past tradition, which we can only assume must somehow correlate with winning. As legend has it, touching the axe turns L's into W's, as its Harry Potter-like power is able to turn players such as Max Komar from cheap walk-on to all-conference caliber, and the Kibbie Dome from House of Horrors to the Miracle on 34th Street.

True as it may be, my own alternate ending involves idaho coach Rob(b) Akey coming late to a team meeting, battle axe in hand, and after a long hard-fought battle of Laire, decided he quickly needed a plan of action. I think it's Akey's mustache that makes it so believable.

Regardless of how the axe got its powers, fact of the matter is, it has them. The vandals are 4-0 at home and 7-2 overall, which means the people in Moscow can finally use the word win in its plural form. In fact, with all this winning, it's easy to forget that the university of idaho is located in remote Moscow, ID, an old-fashioned place where horse-powered carriages reign supreme and a place where trees and water exist, among other highlights.

But this whole idaho winning with the axe thing didn't just happen overnight. No, the hardworking townsmen of Moscow have dedicated many hours of labor into this turnaround. Such are the perks when competition among blacksmiths is so fierce. Rob(b) Akey asked for his community to get onboard and support the vandals, and they responded with the miracle axe.

That's why we were willing to help spread the word about Moscow's inventor of the year award, given to the talented blacksmith who managed to create a battle axe with such magical powers. With his inspiration, the local youngsters no longer aspire to be the next Charlie Chaplin, but rather the next great smoke-stained iron forger.

That is, of course, unless you happen to be one of the lucky vandals on scholarship, meaning a job can be put on hold for a few years, giving them and their inner Huck Finn the opportunity to splash in dirty water and bite off fish heads. No really ...

There really isn't a smooth transition after watching that. In other news, the Kibbie Dome is looking slightly different this year.

So they added windows and cleaned up a little bit. That should keep the window washer busy for awhile. I realize your level of indifference about this could hardly be weaker, but I couldn't help but imagine the damage Sir-Mix-A-Lot could have done with that much glass.

Simple as the job may have seemed, check out the amount of scaffolding necessary for such a project. I don't know about you, but upon seeing this, the only thing I could think of is the potentially awesome game of Plinko that could have been had.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but after all that I've learned about Moscow through researching for this blog, I might have actually talked myself into making it a future Fresno State football roadtrip destination.

In my defense, I have always had an interest in the Oregon Trail.


  1. I was actually thinking that would be a fun trip to make this year, unfortunately my thoughts came too late to make it happen.

    In other news, that fish head biting video is disgusting. What a weirdo.

  2. I agree with "Anonymous" about the fellow in the fish video being quite odd. Animal cruely is one of the three McDonald Triad traits.

    I'm sorry, but this blog is a sure first-ballot Hall of Famer as blogs go. Now that I'm done laughing, I rank the top three funniest things from the blog as:
    3. Rob(b) Akey
    2. the damage Sir-Mix-A-Lot could have done with that much glass (I don't even need to click the link to know where that's going)
    1. Idaho getting to use the plural form of "win" (let's just hope they don't get to use any form of win this week!)

  3. Idaho's helmets that they wore against La Tech= UGLY!


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