Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Shut up and boob somebody

Someone just came up with the new slogan for the new Fresno State dance team!

Yes, it's been confirmed for a while: The Bulldogs are getting back their dancers.

Really, it was only just a matter of time for a couple of reasons.

1.) Because every major university has a dance team — even the cheap ones like Arkansas-Little Rock, Texas A&M-Corpus Christi and Cal State Fullerton (which doesn't have a hyphen but, trust us, is just as sucky.)

That's Fullerton over there on the left. The ones with the knockers. They swept the national championships. In dance.


2.) Because the old geezers who got the Fresno State dance team suspended in the first place couldn't have been that far off from croaking. Apparently, they did.

See, Fresno State used to have a dance team back in it's glory days, the early-to-mid 2000's. The team was great. They competed in competitions and even won some sort of national championship.

But most of all, they looked/dressed skanky/skankily.

As the urban legend goes, that was their undoing. They dressed and performed so provocatively that people started to complain.

One of the whiners must have been a skybox suite owner. Either that or some of those old fogies that sit in the red seats and never stand up to clap. You know, the people with the money.

The dance team went away. It did. They said at the time it didn't. They said they were "combining" the dance and cheer teams. But if that were true, then there would be no reason to announce a new dance team, only an "uncombining."

Anyway, enough boring stuff. The point of our post is this: This new dance team better damn well be skanky. We're pretty sure we learned this equation in Calculus 1: Boobs + legs = fun. Exhibit A to your right. And that's what sports competitions are supposed to be, fun.

That's just the way it is. It's the circle of life. Didn't anybody here watch the Lion King?

No, we don't NEED it. Not as much as we NEED good football. But T&A is what the dance team's for. That's what we want. That's what everyone wants. Dare say, that's what the dancers want. To flaunt.

The only fans who don't admit these facts are married guys whose wives intimidate them into flaccidity.

We really aren't that worried. The new dance team is being headed up by a former Raiderette. And they are asking for head shots and references. They're serious.

If there's any time left to make sure the team is grade A, then let us submit evidence of our two favorite dance teams. The Arizona State Sun Devillette's (I just made that up), and the LSU Golden Girls (that's their real name.)

And a blast from the past, the old Fresno State dance team.

Don't let us down marching band organizer people and old Raiderette.


  1. really?? this is the crap your putting up on a sports blog. Get a life.

  2. The new dance team is a great addition to Fresno State! They are all very beautiful,and classy,nothing like the old team!

  3. Coach is STILL a Raiderette.. not an OLD Raiderette.. and it is a VERY classy team.


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